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I don't ask for much these days. At my age, the fish that used to be in the barrel are dwindling in number, so lets see if you stack up to my extremely high expectations: 1.
Please do not have your own mode of transportation. I expect to pick you up and drive you everywhere, including dates that you can't afford to take me on, work, to see your kids and to deliver you to your drug dealer's at 3 in the morning.
Please have at least three addictions! I prefer alcohol, pot and cigarettes. Cocaine habit a plus! Please do not share your substances with me as I prefer to buy my own. In fact, please borrow my money to purchase yours!
Please live with your mother. If this is not possible becasue you don't know who she is, then please live in a big house with five other guys and a six foot graffix bong you "chewbongka". Please have no furniture except a pool table and a kegerator. Your bed, if you have one, should be a futon matress on the floor soaked in cat piss, beer, or both.